Death Battle Senator Armstrong Vs Funny Valentine
Deviation Actions
Published:
Literature Text
Peacock: Oh say can you see
Wright: By the dawn's early fight
Sammy: Wait...the National Anthem mentioned bombs and rockets? Huh. Never really thought about that
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"What do you want?"
"What I want....? That's very simple. I want to ensure the prosperity and safety of our country!"
"But what does that have to do with me, exactly?"
"Johnny Joestar is well on his way to finishing me off for good....so I have decided to have a contingency plan in the case that fortune does not go my way."
"So that's it? I'm just a "contingency plan"? What exactly is in it for me?"
"Well....think about this. If I fall, then someone would need to re-take power. To re-take the napkin of authority and let the Holy Corpse guide America even further! And you'd be the center of that power."
"..."
"You will stand above all, Dio."
All that could be seen was the faint silhouette of a man, with a blue hat and bright blonde hair. He let out a smirk, as a seemingly spiritual figure appeared behind him. It was golden, and stood behind the man like a ghost. This was a Stand, or one's fighting spirit....and this Stand was called...
....「THE WORLD」
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January 1891
The Atlantic Ocean
"G-Gyro!" called a voice, that rang throughout the area. This cry belonged to a young man, about 19 or so, wearing flashy blue and white clothing, accompanied by a hat of similar color that had a horseshoe symbol on it. This hat covered his blonde hair, which was barely sticking out. He gazed his eyes across the sand to his friend, who wore a teal cowboy hat, with scarves to match that were covering his brown vest. He lay on the ground, dead before his very eyes.
"N-no..." cried the man atop his horse. This was the ex-horse jockey, Johnny Joestar. The area surrounding them just patches of wet sand, as the oceans around them were seemingly pushed back. As the jockey was lost in thought about losing his friend, the one who was responsible for Gyro's death stood before the jockey.
"The death of Gyro Zeppeli was a necessary one, Johnny Joestar..." spoke the man, calmly and collectedly. He seemed badly damaged, as if he had suddenly aged to an old man, but he was still fine and ready to finish his business. Wearing bright pink clothing, and carrying an America Flag in hand, this was the United States president, Funny Valentine. "...for much like you, he stood in the way between me and America's peace! Now yield, or you will join him!"
The tears in Johnny's eyes began to stop, as his face turned into one of pure anger. "You'll pay for this!" he yelled as he pulled the reigns of his horse, causing it to suddenly run. Beginning to circle the president, Johnny pulled up his finger, as the nail on it began to spin around and around. "You'll...pay for this!" yelled the jockey as he began firing his nails in a matter like bullets, targeting Valentine. But, whenever they seemed to get near the president, they seemed to phase away. This was because of barriers that has surrounded the president, flashing gold and seemed to protect him no matter what. This was an ability of his, called Love Train, that was tied to a spirit next to him, which was blue and purple with pointed ears. This was Funny Valentine's Stand, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, or D4C for short.
"Pay for what, exactly?" asked Funny Valentine, full of confidence as he watched his desperate foe. "The Holy Corpse has chosen me to protect my people! That is why my heart is unclouded, for my actions and words are those of justice!" He began to hold up a pistol he was carrying during this conversation. "And because of that, you can not bring any bad karma to me!" The president aimed ahead of the horse, ready to shoot it down as he slowly pulled the trigger.
Despite the bad situation he was in, the Joestar seemed to....give a smirk? Right as Funny Valentine had pulled the trigger, Johnny pulled the reigns of his horse, causing it to halt it's movement, causing the shot to barely miss. Johnny quickly guided the horse, named Slow Dancer, to run towards the president and his barrier. "We'll see about what your justice has to say to this!" called Johnny, showing a seemingly dark determination of vengeance in his eyes, almost glowing like fire.
"Just like Gyro did..." thought Johnny as his horse continued running. He focused on attaining what was called Nature's Beauty....the Golden Rectangle. Plants, animals, architecture, nearly anything you can think of! That is the essence of the Golden Rectangle, a shape so perfect that is creates an endless spiral. The jockey focused on positioning his horse perfectly, as he had felt it...he felt all of nature. His horse seemed to glow, as in his head he could see the rectangle encompassing his stallion.
"W-what!?" called Funny, watching in awe. But it was too late, Johnny has pointed his finger forward, and fired another bullet from his finger, which flew towards the president. The nail began to slowly spin away, as if it had transitioned to encompass the infinity that is the universe itself, slowly forming into a strange creature. It was large and pink, possessing the same horseshoe on it's forehead that Johnny did, with dozens of pink vertical ellipses on it's body, almost like a vest. This was the final form of Johnny's Stand, Tusk ACT4."N-no!" gasped the president in shock as he stepped back. "What is this-!?" But before he could think, he got his answer as Tusk had grabbed onto the barriers of Love Train, and pulled them apart, like prison bars as it broke through.
"Chumimi~in!" cried the stand, quickly throwing a punch. Hardly able to gather what was happening at this moment, the president had accidentally stepped onto a lower patch of ground, causing him to kneel forward. Because of this sudden movement, Johnny's stand had managed to only graze the president, leaving a visible mark on him regardless. Since Tusk's punch had missed it's mark, Valentine knew he had a chance. However, he obviously couldn't deal with Tusk 4's power, so he had to do something else. He quickly pulled out his flag, covering himself as he slowly began to lay on the dirt.
"Oh no you don't!" called Johnny as Tusk 4 quickly flew towards Valentine. "ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!" he shouted as Tusk repeatedly punched the ground over and over and over again. Seemingly dozens of punches were being thrown in the blink of an eye, creating dust the surrounded his vision. After several more seconds of this, the stand had stopped it's punches.
*End Music
Johnny left out deep breathes, thinking that he had managed to win in time. However, as the dust settled, he saw that he was wrong. Funny Valentine was nowhere to be seen....he had successfully activated D4C's ability to travel dimensions after being in between the ground and his flag.
"D-dammit!" yelled the jockey, leaning down onto his shoulder's neck and shedding more tears. He failed to stop President Valentine....he failed to avenge the only man who had shown him full kindness in years, Gyro Zeppeli...but perhaps he could do something about the Holy Corpse...the source of Love Train's power.
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A bright light flashed...sternly waking up the president. As his eyes began to fully see what was before him, he slowly picked himself. He looked around, and saw....a world he had never seen.
"Where....am I?" thought Valentine to himself. This was foreign....the buildings rose miles to the sky, vehicles without horses were blazing along the roads. Where was he....WHEN was he? He kept pondering the question, until he heard a crumpling noise, as if he stepped on paper. He looked down at it, and picked it up, proceeding to read it.
"Vote Steven Armstrong: 2020""2020!?" gasped Valentine to himself. That was nearly 130 years from now! He pondered if Johnny Joestar's ability had an affect on this.
"Yeah, I know, pal." called a voice from behind the former president. It was a regular man, wearing a green trenchcoat, whiskers, and with a pencil sticking out of his ear. "Weird that he's holding his election campaign so early. Like, who makes posters two years before the election year?"
So it is 2018? That was something worth noting. "And where am I, exactly?"
"Um..." responded the man, scratching the back of his head. "Central Park, pal. I know New York is a big city but..."
Central Park? New York City? He took that information into account as well, knowing it can help him find the Holy Corpse...assuming it still exists in this time and place.
"Anyway, I gotta go." spoke the man, looking at a watch. "If I don't make it to the scene in time I'm going to get another 10 rounds of whipping." He then sprinted off, as if that was a literal statement. Surely times of slavery are still over, right?
"So now I know where I am..." thought Funny as he looked at the reflection of water in a bird bath, noting that he appeared much younger and more handsome than he did after his tussle with Gyro and Johnny. "So I just need to find the Holy Trinity Church..."
"And so, to the people I say!" called a voice from across the park. Valentine looked to the source of this voice, and saw a man, carrying a cigar in his hand, wearing glasses and a suit, speaking to the crowd with a loud booming voice.
"I promise you all economic prosperity and security! We will allow you all to live free as you see fit, and make America great again!" spoke the man, shouting it all to his very best abilities to appear earnest.
"Hmph." thought Funny in response. As America's president, he had to ensure that there was a future worth looking forward too for the country, and he knew better than anyone how people can manipulate the crowd. He noticed a door in the back of the stage. Perhaps there was some information he was hiding from there? Regardless, it was his duty to check.
For the time being, he had decided to stand and watch the man, who he had soon recognized as Steven Armstrong, the man who was on that poster earlier. Clearly he was confident about his goals as president. But, he shall judge the man himself once this is over.
As the hours passed, day turned to night, and more people left the park, leaving the door unguarded. Seeing it was his chance, he walked over to the door.
"「D4C」" called the president, as his familiar stand appeared beside him, chopping the doorknob, causing the door's lock to break as the door opened. The president walked inside, looking around and noticing the many documents and computers in the area.
However, after a minute or so of searching, he found one that caught his eye. It read "Desperado". Curious on what it meant, he had decided to look into the files, and what he saw....was shocking.
Details about kidnappings and executions of leaders from African and middle eastern countries were what he saw, and as much as it shocked him, it made him wonder. He wondered how Africa and those parts of Asia had developed over the years passed, but had decided to focus on the more important questions. Why on Earth does a presidential candidate have these files? He then noticed sums of money alongside envelopes addressed to addresses. What were these for?
Noticing that there was one more page, he opened it up, and saw the worst of it.
"Bring up Desperado's ties to Pakistan, and kill President Hamilton to frame them for it."
Seeing that shocked the president even more. Killing the current president of this time? Working with a terrorist group and framing them for murder? All that would do is yield to war with what he assumed was a nation he had never heard of! He knew as well as anyone that sacrifices must be made for the greater good, but in his eyes, all this would do it paint a giant target on America's back and sacrifice far too many lives. He didn't know what weapons a modern-day world had, but he imagined how gruesome it could potentially be.
Just as he stood to leave the room, backstage, all he heard was a "Hey!" Valentine turned to see Steven Armstrong himself, standing in front of the door. "What do you think you're doing!?"
"I should ask you the same thing, Mr. Steven Armstrong." responded Funny as he pulled up the Desperado files. "I may not be president at this time, but for America's safety, I can not allow this!"
Armstrong adjusted his glasses, knowing that he had been caught. He had to do something about this. "Who are you?" asked the Senator of Colorado, with a cold tone.
"You will not believe me, but I am Funny Valentine. The 23rd President of the United States of America." spoke the president, full of confidence.
"Right." responded Armstrong. "And I'm the goddamned pope!"
"As I said.." spoke Funny. "You will not believe me, but that doesn't matter. I can not let our country fall into the hands on a mad man wanting war!"
"Well I'm sorry "Mr. President"...." taunted Armstrong, grabbing onto Funny Valentine by the collar before tossing him out of the door, launching him back into the fields of Central Park. "...but I'm going to save this country's economy, and War is the best way for that!" he then clenched his fist. "And I'm not going to let some flamboyant, delusional wannabe get in the way of that!"
"Hmph." grunted Funny in response. "If that is how you will be, I will be willing to sacrifice you to ensure only good fortune for America!" He pulled out his pistol, ready to take down the roadblock in America's security.
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Quickly pulling the trigger, Valentine starts the fight by firing three shots from his pistol. As the bullets flew forward, he had hoped that they would stop the bulking man. However, much to his dismay, they seemed to bounce off. The Senator continued marching forward, snickering as the weapon had no avail, throwing a punch that Funny had barely managed to sidestep from. Following up on the attack, Armstrong throws another punch.
"「D4C」" spoke Funny, summoning his stand as it positioned itself in front of the president, blocking the blow. However, despite blocking the attack, the force of the attack was strong enough to push Valentine back several meters.
"Huh!?" thought the president, firing one more that flew into the senator's head. Surely even his head can't be as sturdy, right? Unfortunately, that was wrong too as once the bullet launched into Armstrong's forehead, it was immediately pushed out as the dent it made reformed like normal.
"No man should be able to survive the shots from a pistol!" thought Valentine, catching his breath and thinking of a plan.
"Heh, surprised?" taunted Armstrong. "Bet you thought you could take down my campaign like some political hard-headed extremist with a gun?"
"While a rather contemptuous way to put it..." responded Funny while slowly putting down his gun. "...I have yet to understand how you have skin with properties of steel."
Steven chuckled in response, giving a smirk that would make any leader seem irritated looking at. He then held out his arm, letting out a massive grunt as he flexed, ripping off the sleeve as his skin was visibly seen. While seemingly normal at first, patches of gray slowly moved over it, showing that it was not the skin of a normal human.
"Nanomachines, 'Mr. President'." taunted Armstrong, jokingly playing along with the president's claims. "I suppose you wouldn't know much about this, especially in the past." He winded back his fist, ready to punch deliver a massive punch. "But this technology hardens in response to physical trauma!"
After explaining the properties of his body, the senator's arm began to glow a fiery red, and after a second or two, punched the ground, creating a massive shockwave that not only destroyed the stage behind him, but also pushed Valentine back even more. A noticeably large crater was left into Central Park, which people will definitely notice come morning.
Standing on the edge of the crater, Funny Valentine looked on, seeing the senator ready for more fight. "Is that it!?" shouted Armstrong. "You've given up 'protecting your country'!?"
"That implication is not the slightest bit humorous! A president's duty is to protect his country, and I will do so no matter what time!" spoke the president, as patriotic as ever.
"Your funeral, then..." responded Armstrong, adjusting his glasses.
"We shall see about that..." spoke President Valentine, as his stand appeared beside him. Perhaps he may not have the technology, but maybe something else could give him a leg up.
The senator leaped from the center of the crater, onto the ground before Valentine, as the latter quickly slid back. Now open, D4C moved forward, delivering a punch to the senator's chest. While not hurting too bad, Steven felt himself be pushed back a few inches. He looked down at his chest, but couldn't see anything there.
D4C continued throwing punches at speeds faster than a normal human couldn't track as they continued pushing Armstrong back, even forcing him to hold up his arms to block the assault. After a few more seconds, the flurry of punches ended as the stand delivered an uppercut on the senator's chin, causing him to stagger back.
"What the hell!?" grunted Steven, confused as to what had just happened.
"Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap." answered the president, as stoic as ever. "Since you had shown me a taste of your abilities, I thought I might as well do the same."
"I don't know why that song has any relevance..." started Armstrong, winding back his fist. "...but having a friend with a cloaking device isn't going to save you now!" The senator began to charge forward, recklessly wanting to brutally overpower his opponent.
Despite being interested in what this "cloaking device" is, Valentine knew he had to avoid this assault, recognizing that his brute force alone was not to be tangled with. In response, he had pulled out his American flag, beginning to wrap himself in it. Right as the senator was just inches away from him, Valentine had disappeared from sight, causing Armstrong to plow through nothing. He had stopped himself, recognizing that he couldn't see him.
"Teleportation, huh-?" was all Armstrong could say before he felt another punch from behind, making him skid forward. He turned to face his attacker, all while saying "You motherfucker-". However, before he could finish that, he noticed that Funny was out of sight once again, before feeling another hand punching the side of his face, forcing him back even more.
"Perhaps you never have seen the field of war like I have, Mr. Armstrong." began Valentine, who was showing himself while the senator was regaining his senses. "Because it takes more than machinery to win the fight!"
"Don't act like I don't know that..." started Armstrong, as he quickly turned, punching the ground below Funny as it creates a crater. In response, the president leaped up to avoid the attack. However, this was the senator's plan. "I served in the navy....and not only that...." he continued, leaping up and grabbing the president, before slamming him down onto the cement below. He notes the sound of bones cracking and a grunt as he did so.
"...I also played college ball you know!" he finished, before tossing up Valentine meters into the air. He adjusted his glasses once more, before noticing that the president was beginning to fall. "Don't fuck with THIS senator!" he shouted, punting Valentine above the trees of Central Park, as he began to fall in front of the gate in the front.
Thinking quickly, Funny began to pull out his flag and positioned it behind him. A few seconds later, a loud "thud" is heard as he fell onto the concrete, with blood spattered around him. However, the flag slowly fell onto Valentine's back, and soon disappeared from the view of Armstrong, who had just caught up with his opponent.
"What the fuck-" was all Armstrong could say before the president had appeared once again, before his very eyes.
"While not like your technology..." began Valentine. "...I too have my own means to live!" He posed as he spoke, putting his arm to his forehead as his flag continued to wave behind him.
Armstrong began to step forward, his fists clenched. "I don't know how you are able to play hide and seek like a little bitch..... or how you can even call yourself patriotic while doing such pathetic tricks..." His fist grew flames as he began to charge it. "But I could rip the goddamned president in two if I wanted! Let alone some prissy fucker that belongs in an insane asylum!"
The senator threw his fist downward, creating shockwaves that began to shake the ground. Valentine leaped back, as he knew something was about to happen. His hunch turned out to be correct, as pillars of flames began to move from out of the park and into the street, destroying parked cars and creating a massive hole in the road. A large cloud of smoke was created, obscuring Armstrong's view. Despite this, however, he was sure he finished off his opponent for good.
*End Music"Ashes to ashes, motherfucker." was all he uttered, giving nothing but a confident smirk.
"Mr. Armstrong..." called a familiar voice, much to the senator's dismay. He let out a surprised gasp, as on the other side of the street, was Funny Valentine, alive and well. "...Regardless of my identity..." continued the president, as if nothing happened. "...you should know better than to insult those in a higher position. I certainly feel sorry for the state of Colorado if you're the one who represents it."
" 「D4C」" called the president, his stand appearing once again. "For the record..." started the president, giving his enemy a cold glare. "...you have not even seen half of the abilities tied to Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap." "Is that so?" questioned Armstrong, snickering afterward. "Well, you haven't seen half of what I can do either, Funny Valentine." He started to see this as kinda fun. "America needs your blood to thrive, you know!" "I would not doubt that for a second, and would be very willing to give it to her..." responded the president, ready to continue the fight. "...but she does not need a man that would cause its destruction in charge!" The senator crouched down as if he began to charge something. "Guess we'll see by the end of the night, huh?" Weary of what Armstrong was up to, Valentine stood on guard. "Indeed." "Hrrrrrrngah!" grunted the senator, as some form of power began to go into him. Funny Valentine rose an eyebrow, unsure of what he was witnessing. He soon found his answer, however, as he noticed some of the light shining on the street beginning to fade. With a curious gaze, the president turned his head, noticing the towering building behind him slowly losing light, as window after window began to grow dark. "You afraid of the dark, Mr. President?" taunted Armstrong, sucking up energy from several of the street lights as well, causing them to go dark. After he was done, the street remained became dark, even though the rest of New York's skyline certainly made it easy for Valentine to still see. However, that was the least of his problems, as nearby cars in the street rose behind the senator. Throwing his arm forward, the cars began to fly straight at the president, who could only make a gasp as his eyes widened, letting instinct take over as he ducked, barely avoiding having his body crushed by the weight of a car. Getting annoyed, Armstrong questioned what was happening. "Why won't you die!?" he yelled, hoping for answers to what he was dealing with. In response, the president began to speak, facing his opponent head-on. "For the same reason as you." he began. "Because it is what we believe in, which is what we fight for!" Summoning Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap once again, he delivered a kick to the senator's knee, causing him to bend down in response to the force. "Though, I might as well explain how my D4C works." he continued, the stand picking up Armstrong by his collar. "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap is an ability that allows me to transcend dimensions. That is its ability." "Transcend dimensions?" responded Armstrong, as his nano-machines hardened with enough force to not only cause rips in what was left of his suit but to also force D4C off of his body. "What a load of shit." Now free, the senator raised his foot, as it began to charge up more flames. "And here I thought you couldn't be any more fucking insane!" he taunted, stomping his limb on the ground as the ground before he erupted, blowing back Valentine in an explosion. As the eruption died down, a burned and charred Valentine landed on the ground, his clothes burned and covered in ash. Armstrong, feeling confident, strolled up to his fallen foe. "Good luck trying to come back from this!" he yelled, stepping on the president's chest, as the sound of a rib cracking haunted the street, the president unable to even gasp. "The strong thrive..." he spoke, winding his fist back. "...and the little bitches with no guts perish! That is America!" he finished throwing his fist down, crushing Valentine's skull with his raw power....or so he thought. Despite being weakened, the pressure from the attack, as well as the pavement, allowed the president to hop his head through another dimension, effectively dodging the blow. "What-?" responded Armstrong, winding his fist back to see what had happened. While doing this, the president of the United States thought quickly, using the last of his strength to pull out his surprisingly useful weapon, his flag. He quickly covered his body with the flag effectively disappearing again. Getting way too used to this, the senator looked around, on guard for where his opponent was going to appear next. However, what happened next was not something Armstrong had ever expected. "A careless and lazy leader is the one who lets people suffer based on morals like that..." spoke a voice, hiding behind an alleyway nearby. The figure stepped out of the shadow, revealing himself to be Funny Valentine. Armstrong clenched his fist, ready to fight again, however, something else had caught his attention. "Sure sacrifices must be made..." spoke another voice from across the street. This time the voice belonged to...Funny Valentine? Somehow, two presidents were in the senator's view. "...but those who care about living life in America deserves her mercy!"
While Armstrong was still trying to process this, he proceeded to hear yet another voice from a few meters behind him. "I don't know what had caused you and likely so many others to think like that in this day and age..." spoke the voice, causing the senator to turn around and see a third Funny Valentine, causing a drop of sweat to fall off his face, but only out of sheer confusion. "...but one thing is certain." finished off the third president.
As if in complete sync, all three Valentine's pointed forward, gazing straight at Steven Armstrong's confused face. "Your reckless campaign ends here!" they all yelled at once, as stoic and heartfelt as a man could be.
"Oh what the fuck!?" yelled the senator, completely confused and frustrated as to what his opponent was doing.
After the exchange, two of the presidents pulled out a pistol, each beginning to fire rounds as they each began to bounce off Armstrong. While the bullets didn't hurt him all that much, they still annoyed the senator, as he looked around, wondering which one he should go after first. He readied himself as the two Valentines were closing in, however before he could even think of a plan, he felt a force knock him down on the back of his next.
Looking over his shoulder, Steven saw the third Valentine, who had surprised him with a downward punch. Now open, another one of the Valentine's delivered a kick to the senator's knee, forcing him down. Afterward, the third Valentine delivered a kick to Armstrong's face that forced the senator back up. To finish off the combo, all three Valentine's proceeded to deliver an uppercut at once, forcing their opponent upward.
Before the senator could land, the two Valentines who were on Armstrong's side stepped back, as the one to his front summoned a familiar stand. D4C had returned, delivering a flurry of punches to the presidential candidate before winding back it's fist, and delivering a strong punch that pushed the senator back. Skidding back, the senator stood his ground and picked himself up.
"Have you ever heard of the napkin rule, Mr. Armstrong?" inquired the president, pulling out his flag as it waved in the wind.
"Napkin rule?" responded the senator. "What the hell does that mean?"
"Well, to put it simply." continued Valentine. "Society....no, the very universe follows those who make the first move! Those who are respected will be followed." He began to pace to his side. "If the most respected in a party chooses the right napkin, then surely those who respect him will do the same, no? That in of itself is the essence of the rule. And to you, Steven Armstrong, I will say..."
Before finishing, Valentine had once again covered himself in his flag, before reappearing right behind his opponent. Alongside him, was D4C, which winded it's arm down, before swiping up with a chop, effectively slicing off the senator's arm. "...that I shall take the napkin before you shall ever get the chance to make centuries of work meaningless!"
Thinking they had the advantage, the other two Funny Valentines started running towards the senator, preparing to attack. However, they proved to be wrong, as, at that moment, the stub that was left of Armstrong's arm began to harden, creating a makeshift blade. He thrust his arm forward, as one of the presidents barely dodged. However, the other Valentine was not so lucky, as the makeshift weapon has pierced his throat, effectively killing him on the spot as the body fell.
The other two Valentines stood back, as Armstrong walked over to where his arm had fallen, and quickly reattached it. "Neat metaphor, there." he quipped, adjusting his glasses with his now reattached arm. "But what was that about taking it from me?"
With a grunt of annoyance, the two presidents ran towards the senator, grabbing him from both sides as Armstrong held both back with each hand casually. Raising his foot, he delivered a kick that knocked one Valentine back, before quickly grabbing the other one by the head, and pressing down. A large crunch is heard, as the president's head becomes nothing but red mush. With only one left to go, the senator took the lifeless body and tossed it straight at Valentine while he was open.
Panting but able to fight, the president quickly summoned D4C once more, as the stand delivered a chop that sliced the oncoming corpse in half. Not even phased by slicing his own corpse in half, Valentine continued forth. "I am prepared for any sacrifice it must take! Any sacrifice but my own ideals!"
"You keep your ideals with you, huh?" asked the senator, delivering a smirk. While doing so, Funny Valentine's stand had proceeded to fly towards its opponent, delivering a flurry of punches, causing small grunts of frustration to be heard from Armstrong's mouth. However, after a few seconds of this, those grunts became a snicker, as Steven began to walk through the pain, and straight towards the president, all while cracking his knuckles.
Right as he was in front of the president, Armstrong began to retaliate, winding back a fist. In response, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap stood in front of Valentine, crossing its arms in hopes to defend its user. However, it had no idea what it was dealing with, as Armstrong delivered a punch....followed by another one, and another one, and soon the senator had begun pummeling his opponent with flurries of punches much faster than a normal person could keep up with, much like Valentine's stand had done so earlier.
Soon being overwhelmed, Funny Valentine and D4C began to feel pushed back, before suddenly being caught off guard by a surprise uppercut from their opponent. The president could only look on in horror as the senator stared at him with an evil smile, as he grabbed him by the collar and tossed him into the air. Using his hand to help scope where he was in the air, Armstrong looked over to see a vending machine to his right. With his strength, he ripped it out from it's grounding like it was nothing.
"Not really much of a bat, but this'll do fine..." thought Steven to himself, as he began reeling it back. "Hey, Valentine!" he called, full of confidence in his voice. "You ever played Baseball? I'm more of a football guy myself but..."
As the president fell, he couldn't even react to what was to come, as he soon felt the full force of a vending machine being wielded by his opponent like a makeshift bat, launching him across the street as the blow had immediately knocked him out cold, unbeknownst to his opponent.
*End Music
Flying meters away, the president landed on the cold, dimly-lit street below. Armstrong, full of himself, tossed the machine aside. "...I still got a good batting arm." spoke the senator finishing his taunt. He then began to think to himself.
"I may not know how he works..." he began. "...but I'm damned sure he'll be back soon, like the roach he is." He thought to himself for a few more seconds, before he had an idea.
"Of course..." he thought. "...I'll use that secret weapon....to crush him and his wimpy morals...." he chuckled, fully realizing his course of action. "America, Mr. Valentine. I introduce you to America's glorious future."
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January 1891
New York City
"You know...I have to thank you, Johnny."
The pained cries of a horse could be heard, as the animal responsible had crashed right in front of a building. The Holy Trinity Church.
As the horse fell, it's rider, one Johnny Joestar, had fallen with it. Landing face first onto the cold ground, and being unable to use his legs, all he could do was look up at the one responsible for this. With his bright blonde hair blowing in the wind, legendary horse jockey Diego Brando was standing over the wounded man.
"Thank me...?" grunted Johnny, in pain.
In response, Diego had walked over to his horse and grabbing something. It looked like a body that had decayed, likely thousands of years old. With it in his arms, he turned to face Johnny. "Had you not gotten rid of Valentine, I likely would not have had any chance to stand above all!"
"You're welcome..." quipped Johnny, despite delivering a slight cough while saying that. "...but the corpse doesn't belong to anyone!"
"I know that..." spoke Diego, sternly with a lot of malice. "But it's power shall be bestowed upon me, once I unlock its power." He slowly paced around Johnny. "And once that happens, I, Dio, will stand above all as the very center of the world!"
The blonde jockey then gave a cold stare at his rival. "...and anyone who stands in my way, including you, will perish." After saying that, a yellow spirit stood behind Dio. It was his stand, which he has summoned after yelling "「THE WORLD」!"
*End Music
Upon it's summoning, the entire world had suddenly stopped, as if it had completely frozen in time. This was the ability of Diego's stand, THE WORLD. With everything except Dio himself frozen, he let out a small snicker. However, he then heard a sound that surely caught him off guard.
"Chumimi~in!" cried a familiar being, as right before the eyes of the young jockey, Johnny's Tusk Act 4 has appeared in front of him, despite its user being unable to move or act in the frozen time. Tusk flew forward, winding back it's fist as The World did the same. At that very instant, both stands began throwing punches after punches, clashing fists at speeds faster than light. "Muda Muda Muda Muda Muda Muda Muda!" exclaimed Diego, clearly taunting his opponent while the fists continued to clash. After a few seconds and millions of punches, THE WORLD delivered a swift kick that caught Tusk off guard, knocking it down before the pink stand was punched meters away from the action. Now that Johnny was unguarded, Diego proceeded to pull out three pairs of knives, holding them by the blade. "This is where the fun begins!" he exclaimed while he tossed them at his enemy with one arm, as they stopped in place thanks to the effects of his stand. "Time will resume." commented Dio, covering most of his face with his hand to strike a menacing pose. After saying that, his words became true as the effects of the stand had ended, causing time to move again. Unfortunately, this meant that his knives had continued to move, striking Johnny in the face and neck before he could even react. Now dead, Johnny's head fell to the ground, cold and lifeless. Diego, upon seeing this, let out a smirk as he turned to the entrance of the church, walking into it. "The power of the corpse...will shape this new future! A glorious future where fate is on our side! The new center of the world, America, will be under my influence!" he exclaimed to the top of his lungs, as his voice echoed through the town.
"Shape this new future..."
"Fate on my side..."
"The center of the world, America..."
"The power of the corpse..."
These words echoed over, and over, and over again. The last part about the corpse's power was most prominently so.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
With his eyes slowly opening, Funny Valentine had awakened after his nasty blow. He could faintly hear people screaming, and with his blurred vision, thought he could see figures running. His vision became fully restored after a few seconds, allowing him to notice parts of the street that had become rubble. Confused as to why, he tried to move. However, the attack from Steven Armstrong had left him currently too weak to move.
As he began to note the sounds of giant steps and the sound of guns and explosions to boot, he noticed that his American flag, meters away from him, was also charred and cut from whatever was happening. He had to do something to help with this. That was when he saw before him, a can. The can read "Pepsi".
Not sure what it was, he had slowly managed to push his arm into grabbing the can. Just from grabbing it, he could tell that it was meant as a beverage of sorts. Regardless, this gave him an idea. With every inch of strength he had in his body, the president held the can of Pepsi right over his body.
" 「D4C」". He called, albeit extremely weakly given his status. In response to this, the stand had appeared above Valentine and proceeded to poke its hand into the bottom of the soda can. As it took it's hand out, the liquid began pouring, covering the president in soda. With this odd maneuver, Funny had disappeared from sight, as the pressure from the liquid was enough to trigger the abilities of his stand once again. Reappearing in an instant, Valentine was finally able to see in full view what was going on....and what was happening was something no words he could ever muster could describe.
Towering above the streets, and visible from dozens of meters away, a behemoth of a vehicle was marching through the street. It crawled on four legs, in a manner much like a spider. On its sides were too large barrels, like those of a rifle. The president, mouth widened at what he saw, had only managed to gather his senses, but not before noticing a red transparent diamond, with a skull on it. The pattern said "Desperado."
"Desperado...?" thought Valentine, only now snapping back to his senses. "Isn't that the organization he was going to-" he cut himself off. Of course. This was how Armstrong was going to ensure his plan. Gritting his teeth and clenching his fist. "I have to stop this madman. But how?"
Right after asking himself that, the president remembered something. The vision of Johnny and Diego...was that a dream? Or did that really happen? He looked behind and saw at the end of the street behind him...a familiar building. With a cross on top, and a sign that said "The Holy Trinity Church".
"That vision....the corpse?" he thought. "Did Diego...?" As he continued his thought, he was suddenly interrupted by a loud voice. Booming from the streets, with an echo blaring like a microphone, the senator spoke from within the machine.
"Well well well." he began. "Looks like sleeping beauty woke from his nap!" The voice boomed across the streets, alerting even more people to evacuate any nearby building. "Let's see you come back from Metal Gear Excelsus!"
"So this is what weaponry has become in the future..." thought Valentine. As impressed as he was with it, he also remained sorrowful, knowing who was controlling such a beast of machinery. But, if there was one thing he wasn't, it was fearful. He had a plan, albeit it was a rather notable. Either way, this was his only chance.
However, before the president could flee to the church, one of the cannons on top pointed forward. "And before you try anything..." he commented. The cannon charged up, and a second later, fired a large beam of plasma. The plasma flew across the street and landed just a few meters behind Valentine. The beam had proceeded to cause an explosion, as the president braced himself.
After about two seconds, the explosion stopped, with Valentine looking in awe to see that the strange weapon had created a massive hole in the street, with only a few sections of the road still in place. Making a small gasp, Valentine looked upward to see that this wasn't his only obstacle. Looking across the road, he saw two miniature tanks on two legs. These were Gecko units.
"What on earth are these?!" he thought to himself. The senator delivered a laugh that pierced the skyline of the night.
"This isn't just about war, anymore!" called Armstrong. "This is just personal too!"
Delivering a stern "Hmph", the United States president quickly pulled out an American Flag once again, getting a new one after reviving himself. "If you want to make it personal against me, then you shall make it personal against all of America..."
Quickly vanishing once again with his flag, he reformed himself, and this time brought back two more Valentines once again. "...how have you not realized that yet, Mr. Armstrong?"
From the cockpit of Excelsus, the senator proceeded to put the palm of his hand onto his face in annoyance. "Not this bullshit again...". Afterward, he proceeded to come back to his usual booming presence. "Well if you want me to kill ya five times, I'll gladly oblige! Scrambling some eggs is all a part of making the mother of all omelets!"
The three Valentines turned towards the robots and proceeded to run straight to the road, ignoring the senator's odd metaphor. From behind, Excelsus began to launch a missile heading straight for the trio. The one in the middle of the group noticed this and shifted his head to inform the other three. They all gave a nod and proceeded to leap forward. Right after doing so, the missile had landed straight behind them, going off.
While slightly burning their backs and ripping their clothes, the force of the weapon had launched them forward, landing on a small patch of stable formation within the road's gap. They all brushed the dust off their suits, as one of the Gecko units on the other side noticed them, proceeding to take aim. After a second or so, the unit fired off a rope, with a spike on the end of it. Before they could react, the Valentine on the left of the group had been impaled by this weapon. The middle Valentine had noticed the rope, and quickly grabbed onto it, as the other president proceeded to do the same.
The rope was quickly pulled in by the weapon, dragging the two presidents across the rest of the gap to the other side. Both extended their foot out, as when the rope was fully pulled in, the two Valentines delivered a kick each, which knocked the unit over thanks to their momentum. After doing so, the main dimension Valentine had summoned D4C, as it began to pummel the machine until it was full of holes.
As it fell, the two presidents failed to notice the other unit aiming straight at them, as they were more focused on fully destroying. Before they could react, the Gecko proceeded to fire rounds of machine gun bullets. The other Valentine soon found himself riddled with bullet holes, taking up most of the shots. While taking a few grazes, the main president was able to summon his stand in time, as it began throwing flurries of punches at every single bullet, intercepting them and stopping them in their tracks.
Stepping closer and closer, the D4C blocked each shot with precision. However, the machine unit fired another overhead weapon, this time a grenade. While his stand was blocking the shots, the president proceeded to catch the grenade on complete accident.
"Interesting..." he thought. He had never seen a thrown weapon like this. Tossing it back at the Gecko unit, he turned his back, strolling straight towards the church. After a second or so, the grenade went off, causing an explosion that blew a massive portion of the robot's upper half off. As it fell over, D4C flew back to its user, who was walking straight into the building.
*End Music
Anyone near the Holy Trinity Church had evacuated the area, so Valentine was able to explore the place's basement easily. What he saw there, was a coffin. With a smirk, he realized that his gamble was right, summoning his stand once more to break the chains surrounding it. He then opened up the coffin, as what was inside, along with his heart, began to glow.
Meanwhile, outside of the building, Armstrong sat curiously on what was going on. "Praying to God, are we?" he thought. He then gestured his finger over to a nearby button. "Well, let's have you go visit him!"
Pushing the button, Excelsus deployed another missile, as it began to fly straight towards the church. After a few seconds, it delivered a direct hit, bringing the building down to smithereens. After seeing the explosion, he laughed to himself.
"Guess the way to kill a delusional president is with some good fireworks!" he quipped, proceeding to laugh more. However, as the dust settled, he slowly stopped laughing after seeing what stood there, slowly turning his evil smile to pure rage.
Who else stood in the rubble of the building but the president himself, Funny Valentine? The wear from the battle had caused his shirt to be exposed, giving the Senator a full view of his back, scarred in the shape of the American flag. He radiated beautifully among the dark sky, as one could notice the sun beginning to creep into the skyline, as everything in the world seemed to grow closer together. It was as if this was a literal new dawn...
"There is one thing that has not changed over these years..." began Valentine, looking down at his almost legend-like figure, and noting the golden barrier he had surrounding himself. "...The Holy Corpse has still chosen me. Chosen me to stand as the apex of the universe... the one who will make America the center of the world!"
"You know what..." began Armstrong, as Excelsus began to dig into the ground. In mere moments, it tunneled it's way into the Earth, causing the street to shake as it moved underground. After a while, it has leaped out from behind Valentine and the church, decimating the nearby buildings. When it landed, Excelsus began to wind back one of its giant, building-sized blades. "...fuck this war! I JUST WANT YOU DEAD FOR GOOD!"The Metal Gear proceeded to swing down the weapon, seemingly straight onto the president. However, as it was about to land, something odd happened...it was forced to the side and crashed into the ground next to him.
"What the hell!?" exclaimed the senator, aiming the plasma cannons straight at Valentine. He fired them, hoping to hit him head-on. However, this proved futile, as they once again flew off course, hitting dilapidated buildings on the side instead.
Enraged, the senator began to fire off missiles after missiles, all targeted straight at Funny Valentine. However, this proved to not work, as the president began to march forward, with every missile landing behind him and it's path.
"What the fuck?! Why won't this work!" he exclaimed, firing off more and more missiles.
"Because, Mr. Armstrong." began Valentine. "While your weapons are certainly impressive, they can not fall to the power of the Holy Corpse! The Saint who died over 2 millennia ago, forging the future of humanity! With this power as my own, only good fortune resides towards me, along with the rest of America. But, as any man would know, fortune yields sacrifice, and that sacrifice is the misfortune of other nations."
Continuing forth, an explosion from a missile went off, doing nothing but creating a blast of wind, blowing the president's blonde hair as he continued forth, the light from the morning sun along with Love Train made him appear like a saint himself. "Those blades you swing become a fallen tree in Scotland, and those beams you fired set off an explosion in China. And these bombs? Poland and Spain are taking the full effect of those. These are sacrifices we must make, however, I feel no resent or guilt for these misfortunes to others..."
The president looked up, as he was standing right under the Metal Gear towering above him. The senator stared coldly from above, letting his foe finish. "...for my words and actions are entirely unclouded! For they are those of justice! Justice for America, what it certainly needs with you still alive!"
After saying that, Metal Gear Excelsus began winding back it's blade once again. "A president using Jesus powers to save America?!" he yelled. "That's the stupidest bullshit I've heard in a while." He began to chuckle, thinking the whole situation utterly absurd. "But I gotta admit...that did make me laugh." As his laughter subsided, he quickly refocused on his enemy. "That's not going to save you though...now die you piece of shit!"
Slamming the blade down, a massive crater is made in the street below. Valentine, in an odd maneuver, pushes himself between two metal walls extending from the blade, vanishing once again. Afterward, before the senator can react, Valentine appears right in front of the cockpit, allowing Armstrong to see him in full view.
"Steven Armstrong!" called the president. "You shall fall starting now, for that is both my will, and the path of the Saint commands it!"
Summoning D4C, the stand winded back it's fist, and delivered a punch into the cockpit, creating a dent. After this seemingly minimal damage, the president moved in between the cracks of the machine, making physically impossible movements as he disappeared once again, reappearing back at the street, behind the Metal Gear as he began strolling.
"You think one little dent is gonna take down a Metal Gear!?" called the senator, attempting to turn the machine around. However, something was wrong. Suddenly, the control panel let out a spark. With a look of confusion, Armstrong began to notice alert messages popping up from the controls. Slowly but surely, parts all over Excelsus were breaking down. Before he could recognize what was going on, the west side of the weapon exploded. Right after that, the east side, and finally the head, as the towering weapon began to fall to the ground, becoming a dismantled mess as it landed and creating a massive wall of dust.
*End MusicLooking onward at the destruction, the president turned away and walked forth. "And so, America is safe." He thought to himself. However, he wasn't quite finished yet.
Breaking through the wreckage of Metal Gear Excelsus, Armstrong rose once again. This time, however, he had changed. He was completely red, as if rage completely consumed him. The senator was holding up a massive piece of the Metal Gear.
"I am not going to lose my pride to some prissy, cowardly man!" he yelled, tossing the large chunk of metal forward. The president quickly wrapped himself in his flag, vanishing and reappearing in front of it as the thrown weapon passed by.
However, this was what the senator was expecting, as he dashed forward in a blind rage. Before Valentine could react, he was tackled down to the ground by the large, bulky senator. With him standing above the president, Armstrong winded back his fist in an attempt to pummel the president. Thinking quickly, Funny pulled out his pistol, and fired, striking the senator right in his eye.
"Gah! Dammit!" yelled Armstrong, holding his eye in pain as he stepped back. Using this moment to escape, Valentine stood back up, proceeding to fire three more rounds at the senator. However, this proved useless, as he soon gathered himself.
"Cheeky little-!" called the senator, who charged through the bullets, and grabbed onto the president's arm.
"What-" was all Valentine could utter before he suddenly felt an excruciating pain on his right arm. It seems that the senator had completely ripped off the hand that was holding the pistol. Funny bent down, completely in pain. However, the senator wasn't finished there. He lifted up the president and gave an evil smirk.
"I said I could rip the president in two if I wanted to... but I'll just settle with you." After saying that, he pulled both his arms apart, creating sounds of bones snapping and bodies breaking, as Valentine had been ripped in half, killed almost instantly.
*End MusicAfter a second, the senator dropped the two halves of his opponent in half, he gave a sinister smile. "America's stars and stripes need to be painted with your blood, Mr. President. After war, that blood will be the foundation as a new America will be born!"
"Are you done?" called a voice from behind. And one the senator knew too well, looking to his right, he saw the president once again, shining like he did when he took down Excelsus.
"Of course..." thought Armstrong to himself, hiding his frustration.
"Did you think I suddenly forgot about your physical prowess over mine?" he began to inquire. "Well, it clearly seems like you forgot about mine. The Holy Corpse allowed only good fortune to come my way! And if you need a reminder about how Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap works, then I'll happily oblige."
"Wha..." began the senator. "What the hell was that trick for then!?"
"You said you would happily kill me 5 times over," responded Valentine. "So in an attempt to see what other tricks you had left, I had decided to oblige." He then put his head on his hand, in an almost disappointed manner. "But alas, you seemed to have lost all your tricks, yet I still have one left."
"N-no...Godammit!" exclaimed Armstrong, as he saw his opponent lift up his signature flag, with its circle of stars and it's 13 stripes.
"To allow every dimension to co-exist is my ability!" began Valentine while doing this. After the flag completely covered Armstrong, he disappeared from sight. The president then lied down and covered himself with the flag as well to follow him.
______________________________________________________________________________________
In this other dimension, it seemed Armstrong was fighting a strange cyborg-looking ninja. However, there was one notable difference. This Armstrong had a green cap, with a red hammer and sickle on it. As the senator of this dimension was fighting the cyborg, named Raiden,he tanked the swing of his opponent's sword.
"What?!" called Raiden, confused as to why his sword didn't dent him. In response, the senator flexed hard, completely ripping off his shirt. As he did so, Raiden began to notice his skin began to glow gray like metal in some areas.
"Nanomachines, Comrade." was all he said, completely confident in himself.
However, their battle was soon interrupted, as out of the nearby ground, a certain president and another senator proceeded to hop in.
Clasping his head, the original Armstrong looked around and saw the other him and Raiden. "Where the hell am I?"
"A parallel dimension, Mr. Armstrong." answered the president. "A world similar to our own, but in some way different." The senator began to see what he meant by that after noticing the other version of himself's hat. Guess this one wasn't as patriotic towards America as he was.
"Why the hell am I here...?" asked the senator, before noticing something. He felt himself moving towards the other him, as if the universe was willing them together.
"Very simple." responded Valentine, while this was happening. "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, as I said, allows dimensions to co-exist, and allows me to travel freely. However, others do not have this benefit." The two senators continued growing closer and closer, despite the original one trying to flee. "When the average person travels to another dimension, they will constantly be pulled towards their other self."
After a few more seconds, the two Armstrongs finally touched each other, much to their dismay. "And when they do...they become Merger Sponges." As if on cue, the two senators began to form holes in their body, as parts of them slowly dissolved away in what almost looked like cubed sponges. "...and cease to exist in either dimension!" he exclaimed, as the two Steven Armstrongs could only scream once more, before their faces and necks dissolved away, with the rest of their bodies following suit.
The area was quiet, with the only sound blaring was that of the wind, as Raiden looked on in confusion to what he just witnessed. The president proceeded to turn around, and shrug.
"Dojyaaaaan." exclaimed the president, as he spun around, surrounding himself with his American flag as he disappeared, leaving the cyborg alone and completely lost.
Source: https://www.deviantart.com/unserious-sam/art/Battle-We-the-People-750583460
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